You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
