He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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