I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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