i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
