ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
