my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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