I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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