...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
