Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
