ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Randomize
