If i come over, it means nothing
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
