Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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