Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
