Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
