Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
