Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
