he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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