Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
