Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
