If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
