im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
