I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
