I am puke
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
