i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
