You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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