Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
