capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
