He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
not ubering you a puppy
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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