she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
