Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
