what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
