Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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