You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
