I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
