8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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