I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
