That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I would ride that face into the sunset
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
