dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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