so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
