I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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