Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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