I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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