So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
