Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
did i walk over a car last night?
being pregnant is like rehab
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
