I'm jealous of your bromance
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
