when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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