she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
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I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
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Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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