My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
