I've blown a few things in my day
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
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The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
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She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.