Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
BRING THE BAGELS
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night