i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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