I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
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I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
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Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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