1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
