and you said cock pushups were impossible
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I just want nice things and good sex
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.