finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
