Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
