The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
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He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
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I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I forget how to act sober
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