I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
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well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
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You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I wear drunk well.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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