She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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