Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
