On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
