Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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