I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize