I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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