i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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