I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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