I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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