season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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