After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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