If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I will pee on everything he values.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
