Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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