My friends, they love my intelligence
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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