I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
